January 15, 2012
The sounds in this game are way too realistic. My mum's dad, who was in London during The Blitz, heard me playing this and is now under the kitchen table with a dutch oven on his head for the third time today. Any time we get near him he machine guns us with a wooden spoon. My mum is not happy. Use with care. Cheers.
Sunday, January 15, 2012
Touch Racing Nitro
January 14, 2012
I hate weddings. And boy did I get hauled to a freak show of a wedding today. It was my wife's cousin Polly, a twin with Tourettes. And she was supposed to marry this deaf exchange student from Zimbabwe, Apunda.
So we get to the church, find our seats, and I'm immediately annoyed. Sitting right behind us is my wife's great aunt Laverne. Not only is she an asthmatic with chronic bronchitis, she has advanced emphysema and totes around an ICBM sized oxygen tank. A more repulsive creature has never used a walker on the face of the Earth, let me assure you.
Knowing it's going to be a long wedding (and prolonged by my wife's cousins barking obscenities every 30 seconds), I find an excuse to download the FAotD. It's Touch Racing Nitro.
So the wedding starts and is moving right along and, ignoring pleas from my wife to put my phone away, I'm racing my butt off and actually having a good time.
Then I get a tap on the shoulder.
I turn around, and it's Laverne. And there, not more than three inches from my face is her bratwurst of a finger and she's waving it at me and saying something, only I can't understand her for the gasping, coughing, and phlegm chewing. So I smile, nod, and tell her no I can hear just fine thank you and turn back around. And go back to my game.
Not thirty seconds later, I get the kielbasa again. Only now she is pointing it at my phone and fighting a death rattle to say something. So again I smile, nod, give her the time, and turn back around.
Now the minister is just getting to the part where he asks if there are any objections, when from behind me comes the most awful and disturbing sound I have heard in all my life.
It's Laverne. And she's standing. She's pulled the tubes out of her nose and is saying something.
Or rather tries to. Because in the middle of her croaking, Apunda's father, mistaking her frustration with me for an objection to the wedding, jumps up, pulls a blow gun from under his dress, and shoots her in the neck.
Well that didn't help her breathing any.
And then all hell breaks loose.
Polly immediately goes into Tourette's outburst overdrive and begins barking every obscenity known to man, and a good many I had never heard before, while her twin sister, a bride's maid, bursts into the funky chicken. Apunda, the only one not to have heard Laverne's outburst, and thinking Polly is just animated with saying the final parts of her vows, is actually jumping up and down and clapping in excitement when his father, aiming at Polly's sister, accidentally puts a blow dart in the middle of the minister's forehead. Polly's dad, screaming "the British are Coming!", runs over and throws a punch at Apunda's father, but missing, and knocking the basket off Apunda's mother's head, sends a large rodent scurrying into the masses. And with Laverne floundering on the floor in a scene reminiscent of when Jabba the Hutt got choked out by Princess Leia, the entire circus goes stampeding over and around her towards the door. It wasn't pretty.
I hate weddings. And boy did I get hauled to a freak show of a wedding today. It was my wife's cousin Polly, a twin with Tourettes. And she was supposed to marry this deaf exchange student from Zimbabwe, Apunda.
So we get to the church, find our seats, and I'm immediately annoyed. Sitting right behind us is my wife's great aunt Laverne. Not only is she an asthmatic with chronic bronchitis, she has advanced emphysema and totes around an ICBM sized oxygen tank. A more repulsive creature has never used a walker on the face of the Earth, let me assure you.
Knowing it's going to be a long wedding (and prolonged by my wife's cousins barking obscenities every 30 seconds), I find an excuse to download the FAotD. It's Touch Racing Nitro.
So the wedding starts and is moving right along and, ignoring pleas from my wife to put my phone away, I'm racing my butt off and actually having a good time.
Then I get a tap on the shoulder.
I turn around, and it's Laverne. And there, not more than three inches from my face is her bratwurst of a finger and she's waving it at me and saying something, only I can't understand her for the gasping, coughing, and phlegm chewing. So I smile, nod, and tell her no I can hear just fine thank you and turn back around. And go back to my game.
Not thirty seconds later, I get the kielbasa again. Only now she is pointing it at my phone and fighting a death rattle to say something. So again I smile, nod, give her the time, and turn back around.
Now the minister is just getting to the part where he asks if there are any objections, when from behind me comes the most awful and disturbing sound I have heard in all my life.
It's Laverne. And she's standing. She's pulled the tubes out of her nose and is saying something.
Or rather tries to. Because in the middle of her croaking, Apunda's father, mistaking her frustration with me for an objection to the wedding, jumps up, pulls a blow gun from under his dress, and shoots her in the neck.
Well that didn't help her breathing any.
And then all hell breaks loose.
Polly immediately goes into Tourette's outburst overdrive and begins barking every obscenity known to man, and a good many I had never heard before, while her twin sister, a bride's maid, bursts into the funky chicken. Apunda, the only one not to have heard Laverne's outburst, and thinking Polly is just animated with saying the final parts of her vows, is actually jumping up and down and clapping in excitement when his father, aiming at Polly's sister, accidentally puts a blow dart in the middle of the minister's forehead. Polly's dad, screaming "the British are Coming!", runs over and throws a punch at Apunda's father, but missing, and knocking the basket off Apunda's mother's head, sends a large rodent scurrying into the masses. And with Laverne floundering on the floor in a scene reminiscent of when Jabba the Hutt got choked out by Princess Leia, the entire circus goes stampeding over and around her towards the door. It wasn't pretty.
Word Ball
January 13, 2012
Looks to be a neat game, and maybe it's just the size of my phone, but my balls are way too small to make this any fun. And then they start to shrink. Maybe an update with bigger balls that don't shrink? Especially if you're gonna be tossing them around. Thanks.
Looks to be a neat game, and maybe it's just the size of my phone, but my balls are way too small to make this any fun. And then they start to shrink. Maybe an update with bigger balls that don't shrink? Especially if you're gonna be tossing them around. Thanks.
Mobilearn Talking Phrasebook
January 9, 2012
I have no idea what this thing just told me to say, but I just got slapped by a French foot massager when I asked if she could pay special attention to the balls of my feet. Use with care.
I have no idea what this thing just told me to say, but I just got slapped by a French foot massager when I asked if she could pay special attention to the balls of my feet. Use with care.
Moon Phase Pro
January 8, 2012
Tried to use this to predict lunar fertility since, as Catholics, we can't use contraceptives. It failed. Wife is now pregnant. Use at your own risk.
Tried to use this to predict lunar fertility since, as Catholics, we can't use contraceptives. It failed. Wife is now pregnant. Use at your own risk.
Splashtop Remote Desktop
January 6, 2012
Seems a lot of people are happy with this, but it won't allow me to change the channel on my tv from five feet away. Bummer. Was looking forward to a remote on my phone.
Seems a lot of people are happy with this, but it won't allow me to change the channel on my tv from five feet away. Bummer. Was looking forward to a remote on my phone.
My First Puzzles
January 5, 2012
So I take my six year old to see this movie about a paraplegic dolphin that gets a prostate from Samuel Jackson, when I get bored and decide to download the FAotD. It's My First Puzzles. Not really my thing, but I'm bored so I give it a try.
I'm putting together puzzles to pass the time and minding my own business, when some jerk a few rows behind me yells for me to turn off my phone. So, without looking I yell back, "Why don't you walk down here and make me?" Oops.
Turns out the guy was in a wheel chair and one of several chaperones for a group of amputated kids that had been brought out by our local chapter of the Easter Seals. And apparently my comment hit a nerve with that bunch.
They went nuts. Kids and adults both, yelling, throwing popcorn and skittles and fountain cups.
And then someone hit me with a foot. Then an arm. Then a leg. Then another leg. Then an ear.
And then someone hit my son with a fake breast.
It was a madhouse. I tried to defend us the best I could using a right leg I picked up, but it felt to be about a size eight so offered little real protection. In the end, it took the theater staff nearly an hour to restore order, collect all the limbs and return them to their rightful owners, and find that ear before escorting us to our vehicle.
And then I was informed I was banned from ever returning. Friggin apps.
So I take my six year old to see this movie about a paraplegic dolphin that gets a prostate from Samuel Jackson, when I get bored and decide to download the FAotD. It's My First Puzzles. Not really my thing, but I'm bored so I give it a try.
I'm putting together puzzles to pass the time and minding my own business, when some jerk a few rows behind me yells for me to turn off my phone. So, without looking I yell back, "Why don't you walk down here and make me?" Oops.
Turns out the guy was in a wheel chair and one of several chaperones for a group of amputated kids that had been brought out by our local chapter of the Easter Seals. And apparently my comment hit a nerve with that bunch.
They went nuts. Kids and adults both, yelling, throwing popcorn and skittles and fountain cups.
And then someone hit me with a foot. Then an arm. Then a leg. Then another leg. Then an ear.
And then someone hit my son with a fake breast.
It was a madhouse. I tried to defend us the best I could using a right leg I picked up, but it felt to be about a size eight so offered little real protection. In the end, it took the theater staff nearly an hour to restore order, collect all the limbs and return them to their rightful owners, and find that ear before escorting us to our vehicle.
And then I was informed I was banned from ever returning. Friggin apps.
Tasks n Todos Pro
January 3, 2011
This looks to be a really useful app but I can't get it to sync with my refrigerator. I have post-it notes all over it and don't feel like manually entering them one by one. Oh well.
This looks to be a really useful app but I can't get it to sync with my refrigerator. I have post-it notes all over it and don't feel like manually entering them one by one. Oh well.
Beaver's Revenge
January 2, 2011
Who the heck wants to sit around and play with a sore beaver? I tried it once and let me promise you, it wasn't much fun!
Who the heck wants to sit around and play with a sore beaver? I tried it once and let me promise you, it wasn't much fun!
Dragon Fire
January 1, 2012
See, we all believed that the world was coming to an end this morning, so we sold all of our Earthly possessions and climbed this mountain - naked as jay birds. Only I hid my phone so I could play on it while I waited.
As we all sat around listening to my pastor quote scripture and trying to find the International Space Station, I asked if I could go off to use the restroom.
I was excused with blessings.
So, I snuck off and retrieved my phone, and out of curiosity downloaded the FAotD.
I guess I got caught up in my game and was gone awhile, because like a thief in the night, suddenly there was my pastor hovering over me and questioning me on what I had and how in the heck did I get it up the mountain. I explained that it was my phone and that I was playing Dragon Fire which was a really cool game and that I had hid it in my pocket. After glancing me over, he immediately began to speak in tongues.
Then we saw the light.
Coming up the mountain, from the same dirt road that we had come, was an extremely bright light, several in fact. Upon seeing the lights, my pastor stopped throwing dirt on himself, jumped up, and running towards the lights began to yell, "He has come! He has come!"
And then everyone went running. Towards the lights.
I don't think that frenzied naked mob would have heard Jesus himself warning them from behind.
Anyways, it turns out the lights were actually the FBI, we were trespassing on federal property, and my pastor was wanted for tax evasion.
And yet the whole thing was somehow the result of my transgression. Go figure.
See, we all believed that the world was coming to an end this morning, so we sold all of our Earthly possessions and climbed this mountain - naked as jay birds. Only I hid my phone so I could play on it while I waited.
As we all sat around listening to my pastor quote scripture and trying to find the International Space Station, I asked if I could go off to use the restroom.
I was excused with blessings.
So, I snuck off and retrieved my phone, and out of curiosity downloaded the FAotD.
I guess I got caught up in my game and was gone awhile, because like a thief in the night, suddenly there was my pastor hovering over me and questioning me on what I had and how in the heck did I get it up the mountain. I explained that it was my phone and that I was playing Dragon Fire which was a really cool game and that I had hid it in my pocket. After glancing me over, he immediately began to speak in tongues.
Then we saw the light.
Coming up the mountain, from the same dirt road that we had come, was an extremely bright light, several in fact. Upon seeing the lights, my pastor stopped throwing dirt on himself, jumped up, and running towards the lights began to yell, "He has come! He has come!"
And then everyone went running. Towards the lights.
I don't think that frenzied naked mob would have heard Jesus himself warning them from behind.
Anyways, it turns out the lights were actually the FBI, we were trespassing on federal property, and my pastor was wanted for tax evasion.
And yet the whole thing was somehow the result of my transgression. Go figure.
Mahjong Solitaire
December 31, 2011
Man what kinda jacked up solitaire this be? I dont know Chinese. And I aint gots no clue which cards is aces, kings, queens, etc. There ought at least be an option to the have the cards showed in American. I been sittin here for 20 minutes trying to figure this jive out. How abouts an update for folks who cant read Chinese? Folks who aint go to college should be able to play to.
Man what kinda jacked up solitaire this be? I dont know Chinese. And I aint gots no clue which cards is aces, kings, queens, etc. There ought at least be an option to the have the cards showed in American. I been sittin here for 20 minutes trying to figure this jive out. How abouts an update for folks who cant read Chinese? Folks who aint go to college should be able to play to.
Warp Dash
December 30, 2011
Dude I was really disappointed after downloading today's FAOTD. I was sure it was Pink Floyd's Dark Side of the Moon. I mean the icon looks identical to the 1973 album cover. Imagine my disappointment when I opened it up and instead of hearing the classic opening to Speak to Me, I get a friggin space ship going 100 miles an hour that I have to navigate by waving my arms around. Dude I thought I was having a bad trip or something! If you're gonna rip off their album cover man at least add the sound track as backgroud music. Later.
Dude I was really disappointed after downloading today's FAOTD. I was sure it was Pink Floyd's Dark Side of the Moon. I mean the icon looks identical to the 1973 album cover. Imagine my disappointment when I opened it up and instead of hearing the classic opening to Speak to Me, I get a friggin space ship going 100 miles an hour that I have to navigate by waving my arms around. Dude I thought I was having a bad trip or something! If you're gonna rip off their album cover man at least add the sound track as backgroud music. Later.
Hot Donut
December 29, 2011
It is bad enough that America's children are facing an obesity epidemic. Now they get to sit around and, with their chubby little fingers, maneuver a flying pastry on its way to a frosting factory? Kids should be outside playing war and Cowboys and Indians, not inside on the couch pretending to be a flaming ring of dough. I say for the asking price of $3, get your kid a toy gun instead.
It is bad enough that America's children are facing an obesity epidemic. Now they get to sit around and, with their chubby little fingers, maneuver a flying pastry on its way to a frosting factory? Kids should be outside playing war and Cowboys and Indians, not inside on the couch pretending to be a flaming ring of dough. I say for the asking price of $3, get your kid a toy gun instead.
Monopoly
December 28, 2011
Tried the pass and play with a stranger on a bus. Was having a good time until on his turn, and at a stop downtown, he yelled "Community Chest!" and ran off with my phone. Now I'm out $600. Use with care.
Tried the pass and play with a stranger on a bus. Was having a good time until on his turn, and at a stop downtown, he yelled "Community Chest!" and ran off with my phone. Now I'm out $600. Use with care.
Where's My Water
December 26, 2011
I really wanted to download this game, but have no room on my phone after downloading all the Atari games yesterday. (Am also broke now, but that's another issue.) How about offering a free SD card with purchase? That would be cool. Just a thought.
I really wanted to download this game, but have no room on my phone after downloading all the Atari games yesterday. (Am also broke now, but that's another issue.) How about offering a free SD card with purchase? That would be cool. Just a thought.
Atari's Greatest Hits PRO
December 25, 2011
Though I'm no cow, in the spirit of Christmas, I forgive the developers for trying to milk me.
And, for Christmas, I have left all developers whose apps I have reviewed this past year a little present.
Merry Christmas to all.
Though I'm no cow, in the spirit of Christmas, I forgive the developers for trying to milk me.
And, for Christmas, I have left all developers whose apps I have reviewed this past year a little present.
Merry Christmas to all.
Sound Sleep Deluxe Edition
December 20, 2011
After spending last night in jail (please see updated review of yesterday's FAOTD) I was extrememly excited to see this offering today by Amazon. I really needed something to help me relax. So, I downloaded Sound Sleep Deluxe Edition and headed off to work. (I drive a school bus and have without incident for 22 years.)
Not meaning to go to sleep, but just relax as I ran my route, I placed my phone in my shirt pocket, and with one ear phone in, began to make my stops. Almost immediately I began to feel better. I was relaxed, the stress was gone, and before I knew it I was down to my last stop. Then I hit a nursing home.
Like I told the police, the last thing I remember is hearing someone yell, "You drunk Mr. Winkerdorf?" and thinking, "What a strange question. I don't even drink. Is that a wheel chair?" Guess it was.
So, now I am headed back to jail, have just been informed I'm fired, and foresee a multitude of lawsuits in the near future.
Thanks Amazon, I don't know what I'd do without you.
After spending last night in jail (please see updated review of yesterday's FAOTD) I was extrememly excited to see this offering today by Amazon. I really needed something to help me relax. So, I downloaded Sound Sleep Deluxe Edition and headed off to work. (I drive a school bus and have without incident for 22 years.)
Not meaning to go to sleep, but just relax as I ran my route, I placed my phone in my shirt pocket, and with one ear phone in, began to make my stops. Almost immediately I began to feel better. I was relaxed, the stress was gone, and before I knew it I was down to my last stop. Then I hit a nursing home.
Like I told the police, the last thing I remember is hearing someone yell, "You drunk Mr. Winkerdorf?" and thinking, "What a strange question. I don't even drink. Is that a wheel chair?" Guess it was.
So, now I am headed back to jail, have just been informed I'm fired, and foresee a multitude of lawsuits in the near future.
Thanks Amazon, I don't know what I'd do without you.
Little Piano Pro
December 19, 2011
Apparently Christmas caroling on public transportation is against the law?
Took my family, everyone with phone in hand, and Little Pianos playing, Christmas caroling on a public bus this evening as it was 40 degrees outside. Made it through two whole songs and was halfway through Silent Night when the Middle Eastern bus driver pulled the bus over and told us to put our phones away.
He can't do that can he?
So, I tell him we aren't putting anything away - it's Christmas, for Christ's sake, and he can just deal with it.
So he tells us the bus isn't moving until we stop singing.
That's when people start yelling at us to shut up and turn our phones off when someone hits me in the back of the head with a half empty water bottle!
So, I jump up, accidentally bump into the driver who is now practically on top of me in the aisle, and accidentally knock the towel off his head.
Next thing you know, he and I are in a tussle. People shouting, my kids crying, my wife swinging her purse, and I, attempting to play the piano with my right hand while holding the driver in a headlock with my left, am all the while bellowing Hark the Harold Angels Sing.
Apparently Christmas caroling on public transportation is against the law?
Took my family, everyone with phone in hand, and Little Pianos playing, Christmas caroling on a public bus this evening as it was 40 degrees outside. Made it through two whole songs and was halfway through Silent Night when the Middle Eastern bus driver pulled the bus over and told us to put our phones away.
He can't do that can he?
So, I tell him we aren't putting anything away - it's Christmas, for Christ's sake, and he can just deal with it.
So he tells us the bus isn't moving until we stop singing.
That's when people start yelling at us to shut up and turn our phones off when someone hits me in the back of the head with a half empty water bottle!
So, I jump up, accidentally bump into the driver who is now practically on top of me in the aisle, and accidentally knock the towel off his head.
Next thing you know, he and I are in a tussle. People shouting, my kids crying, my wife swinging her purse, and I, attempting to play the piano with my right hand while holding the driver in a headlock with my left, am all the while bellowing Hark the Harold Angels Sing.
Mini Golf'Oid
December 18, 2011
Just to humor myself, I decided to give this "golf" game a try. Fortunately, my expectations were not too high.
Let me begin by saying that golf is not a game for the poor, nor one to be played on a dang phone. It is tradiionally played by a nation's elite, among whom I consider myself a member.
Now, it appears these developers have created a "golf" app meant for our nation's peasantry. An app that would allow our commoners to momentarily feel the awe and wonder of standing on a green, staring down an immaculately kept fairway, and then having all creation hold its breath as you prepare to drive your ball.
Well, don't get your hopes up blue collar America, because suprisingly, this game captures none of that. It is what it is; tis a poor man's golfing app, and an app appropriately named - Golfoid.
Now to wash my hands and get back to day four of the Australian Masters.
Just to humor myself, I decided to give this "golf" game a try. Fortunately, my expectations were not too high.
Let me begin by saying that golf is not a game for the poor, nor one to be played on a dang phone. It is tradiionally played by a nation's elite, among whom I consider myself a member.
Now, it appears these developers have created a "golf" app meant for our nation's peasantry. An app that would allow our commoners to momentarily feel the awe and wonder of standing on a green, staring down an immaculately kept fairway, and then having all creation hold its breath as you prepare to drive your ball.
Well, don't get your hopes up blue collar America, because suprisingly, this game captures none of that. It is what it is; tis a poor man's golfing app, and an app appropriately named - Golfoid.
Now to wash my hands and get back to day four of the Australian Masters.
Quisr PRO
December 17, 2011
OMG! I LOVE the fact I can enter my own questions! I have already entered over a 100 and plan on spending the day adding more. A few examples:
Who was the first man to walk on the moon? Answer: Michael Jackson
Who led the the 1969 March on Washington? Answer: Lance Armstrong
What is the name of the first family's dog? Answer: Rufus
This is GREAT!
Thanks devs!
Five stars all the way!
OMG! I LOVE the fact I can enter my own questions! I have already entered over a 100 and plan on spending the day adding more. A few examples:
Who was the first man to walk on the moon? Answer: Michael Jackson
Who led the the 1969 March on Washington? Answer: Lance Armstrong
What is the name of the first family's dog? Answer: Rufus
This is GREAT!
Thanks devs!
Five stars all the way!
Helium Boy
December 14, 2011
This game got me beat up at school today. I'm 16 and am in the 10th grade. Yes, I'm a little different, but I like games like this. So, I didn't dress out today in PE (I often don't) and instead, sat on the bleachers like usual. Since I wasn't playing basketball with the other boys, I thought I would play my new favorite game - Helium Boy. Mistake. I was so into my game that I didn't notice the group of jocks around me watching me play and giggle as Helium Boy floated through the air. They started calling me all kinds of names (I won't repeat them here) and then one of them snatched my phone. When I tried to get it back I got punched in the stomach. Next thing I know, I'm getting carried to the locker room where both my head and my phone end up in the toilet. Now everyone calls me Helium Boy. I wish I had never seen this game. Thanks a lot.
This game got me beat up at school today. I'm 16 and am in the 10th grade. Yes, I'm a little different, but I like games like this. So, I didn't dress out today in PE (I often don't) and instead, sat on the bleachers like usual. Since I wasn't playing basketball with the other boys, I thought I would play my new favorite game - Helium Boy. Mistake. I was so into my game that I didn't notice the group of jocks around me watching me play and giggle as Helium Boy floated through the air. They started calling me all kinds of names (I won't repeat them here) and then one of them snatched my phone. When I tried to get it back I got punched in the stomach. Next thing I know, I'm getting carried to the locker room where both my head and my phone end up in the toilet. Now everyone calls me Helium Boy. I wish I had never seen this game. Thanks a lot.
Butter Lion Memo
December 13, 2011
As I flipped through the screen shots, I saw that the icon functions were written in what appears to be Chinese. Me no read Chinese.
Deleting and suggest a boycott. If foreign developers are gonna push apps here in America, they better use American.
As I flipped through the screen shots, I saw that the icon functions were written in what appears to be Chinese. Me no read Chinese.
Deleting and suggest a boycott. If foreign developers are gonna push apps here in America, they better use American.
Corona Indie Bundle
December 12, 2011
I'm sorry, but there is just too much going on here. As a really indecisive person, I have a hard enough time making decisions as is. With this game on my phone, I just sit and stare at the startup screen trying to decide which game to play. It was 45 minutes before I even tried a game! Anyways, as the old adage goes, sometimes less is more. Just my two cents. To each his own.
I'm sorry, but there is just too much going on here. As a really indecisive person, I have a hard enough time making decisions as is. With this game on my phone, I just sit and stare at the startup screen trying to decide which game to play. It was 45 minutes before I even tried a game! Anyways, as the old adage goes, sometimes less is more. Just my two cents. To each his own.
Ice Cube Caveman
December 8, 2011
Can't figure out how to get him to jump. All I can get him to do is roll. Either a bug or I just haven't figured it out yet. Looked neat though.
Can't figure out how to get him to jump. All I can get him to do is roll. Either a bug or I just haven't figured it out yet. Looked neat though.
Pocket Informant
December 7, 2011
I downloaded this app because I thought it would be pretty cool to have a top-of-the-line agenda app on my phone but was quickly disappointed. As I sat with the app open, I realized I had nothing to do this week. Or next. Or the next. Nothing. Not even show up for work (I lost my job a few weeks ago and have been unable to find another in this economy.) So, this is pretty worthless unless you are just bustling with things to do and certainly not worth $9.99.
Update: I did finally add my monthly appointment to reapply for unemployment benefits, but still don't see a need for a $9.99 app for that as I have it posted on my fridge on a super sized sticky note which I see every time I get a beer.
I downloaded this app because I thought it would be pretty cool to have a top-of-the-line agenda app on my phone but was quickly disappointed. As I sat with the app open, I realized I had nothing to do this week. Or next. Or the next. Nothing. Not even show up for work (I lost my job a few weeks ago and have been unable to find another in this economy.) So, this is pretty worthless unless you are just bustling with things to do and certainly not worth $9.99.
Update: I did finally add my monthly appointment to reapply for unemployment benefits, but still don't see a need for a $9.99 app for that as I have it posted on my fridge on a super sized sticky note which I see every time I get a beer.
TripIt - Travel App
December 5, 2011
I'ms having a hard time believin Amazon is offering this as the FAOTD right now. With the economy the way it is, ain't to many folks taking trips nowhere. I for one been out of work for six months and can't afford gas, much less takin trips to Disney World. This here apps for rich folks and ain't for us everyday blue coller bustin our chops folks. Now, how abouts a finds a job app, or apply for unemployment from your phone app, or even better, a coupon app for cheap Chritmas presents. Them'd be helpful right about now.
I'ms having a hard time believin Amazon is offering this as the FAOTD right now. With the economy the way it is, ain't to many folks taking trips nowhere. I for one been out of work for six months and can't afford gas, much less takin trips to Disney World. This here apps for rich folks and ain't for us everyday blue coller bustin our chops folks. Now, how abouts a finds a job app, or apply for unemployment from your phone app, or even better, a coupon app for cheap Chritmas presents. Them'd be helpful right about now.
Night of the Living Dead Defense
December 3, 2011
I found this game to be unnecessarily violent. There was way too much blood for my liking and I found myself feeling a bit guilty for "killing" the "dead." In fact, I think if you find yourself attracted to games like this, you might want to see a psychiatrist to see if you have a deep seeded case of necrophilia. I uninstalled immediately and showered within five minutes of deleting this game.
I found this game to be unnecessarily violent. There was way too much blood for my liking and I found myself feeling a bit guilty for "killing" the "dead." In fact, I think if you find yourself attracted to games like this, you might want to see a psychiatrist to see if you have a deep seeded case of necrophilia. I uninstalled immediately and showered within five minutes of deleting this game.
Slice it!
November 25, 2011
This is a great app if you have girls because it helps them learn how to cut cakes and pies and casseroles into even amounts for guests. And because the shapes are not always symmetrical, it also helps them with dividing up uneven leftovers! But I have two boys so I have no need for it. Thanks anyway.
This is a great app if you have girls because it helps them learn how to cut cakes and pies and casseroles into even amounts for guests. And because the shapes are not always symmetrical, it also helps them with dividing up uneven leftovers! But I have two boys so I have no need for it. Thanks anyway.
Muffin Knight
November 23, 2011
Can you say hidden agenda? Muffin Knight? Mr. Rainbow always gets the job done? Fertilize the forest with the unicorn? Folks, this is a fairy tale alright, just not the kind you grew up with. No way I'd EVER let my kid play this! Ice cream squirting unicorns...
Can you say hidden agenda? Muffin Knight? Mr. Rainbow always gets the job done? Fertilize the forest with the unicorn? Folks, this is a fairy tale alright, just not the kind you grew up with. No way I'd EVER let my kid play this! Ice cream squirting unicorns...
Documents To Go Full Version Key
November 21, 2011
I don't have any documents to take with me. Could this app be updated to include some pre-composed documents? Then I would have some documents to haul around!
I don't have any documents to take with me. Could this app be updated to include some pre-composed documents? Then I would have some documents to haul around!
Puffle Launch
November 19, 2011
Thanks Disney. My kid just Puffle Launched my phone after I told him we weren't joining Club Penguin. He played this game for about 10 minutes then wanted to spend some coins or something. When I told him we weren't joining any more Disney clubs, he jumps up, yells "Puffle Launch!," and throws my phone into the ceiling fan. Both exploded. Great job guys. Puffle Launch...
Thanks Disney. My kid just Puffle Launched my phone after I told him we weren't joining Club Penguin. He played this game for about 10 minutes then wanted to spend some coins or something. When I told him we weren't joining any more Disney clubs, he jumps up, yells "Puffle Launch!," and throws my phone into the ceiling fan. Both exploded. Great job guys. Puffle Launch...
Enhanced Email
November 17, 2011
After trying this email enhancement method I can honestly say it doesn't work. My emails were not any larger than before. Bummer.
After trying this email enhancement method I can honestly say it doesn't work. My emails were not any larger than before. Bummer.
Hungry Shark - Part 3
November 12, 2011
Great Whites are one of the most misunderstood animals on the planet. Games like this only promote ignorance and fear of these majestic creatures. I didn't like the game and honestly, found it quite disturbing. I would never let my child play such rubbish. I think I will have my daughter donate the asking price of $5 to our local animal shelter instead.
Great Whites are one of the most misunderstood animals on the planet. Games like this only promote ignorance and fear of these majestic creatures. I didn't like the game and honestly, found it quite disturbing. I would never let my child play such rubbish. I think I will have my daughter donate the asking price of $5 to our local animal shelter instead.
Let's Bowl Deluxe
November 11, 2011
The developers of this app should be ashamed. This game is nothing like bowling. Bowling requires loads of skills like:
- the ability to roll a ball
- the ability to, um, well, let me see, no, well, um, well...
Anyways, the point is this game makes a mockery of the great sport of bowling and promotes the idea that any schmuck with an arm can do it.
The developers of this app should be ashamed. This game is nothing like bowling. Bowling requires loads of skills like:
- the ability to roll a ball
- the ability to, um, well, let me see, no, well, um, well...
Anyways, the point is this game makes a mockery of the great sport of bowling and promotes the idea that any schmuck with an arm can do it.
Wood Bridges
November 10, 2011
Addictive game, but if you suffer from gephyrophobia like I do, then I suggest you skip on this one. I'm at work and have already crapped myself twice in a span of 5 minutes. I keep getting funny looks as people walk past my cubicle and have a meeting with the boss in 15 minutes. Thanks a lot.
Addictive game, but if you suffer from gephyrophobia like I do, then I suggest you skip on this one. I'm at work and have already crapped myself twice in a span of 5 minutes. I keep getting funny looks as people walk past my cubicle and have a meeting with the boss in 15 minutes. Thanks a lot.
WordWrench Full
November 9, 2011
I was all cranked up this morning when I seens this was the free app of the day. As a mechanic, Ims a always looking for apps to assist with my work. And I thoughts this was one. It looked to be a mechanics audio help app with the wrench and all. But no, its some lame word game for people into words and spellings. So needlessly to say, I was downright disappointed. So for other mechanics thinking this might be an app for you, don't gets your hopes up, its just a spellings game.
I was all cranked up this morning when I seens this was the free app of the day. As a mechanic, Ims a always looking for apps to assist with my work. And I thoughts this was one. It looked to be a mechanics audio help app with the wrench and all. But no, its some lame word game for people into words and spellings. So needlessly to say, I was downright disappointed. So for other mechanics thinking this might be an app for you, don't gets your hopes up, its just a spellings game.
Awesome Triple-Play Video Poker
November 6, 2011
Apps like this look innocent enough, but are gateway apps to pay-to-play apps.
I'm not even going to get into the fact that Amazon is offering this on Sunday, the day of our Lord...
Apps like this look innocent enough, but are gateway apps to pay-to-play apps.
I'm not even going to get into the fact that Amazon is offering this on Sunday, the day of our Lord...
The Burbs
November 5, 2011
I is so sick of stereotypes and dis app jus promotes dem. I ain't seen no black peoples runnin around da burbs. It's all white folks lookin happy. Heck, I half spected to see a black man runnin down da street with a purse or sometin. This app ought to least have an option for black neighborhood or white neighborhood. So anyways, I is severely disappointed with dis app but will rate higher if you puts in some black folks who jus chillin and ain't workin or drivin by in hoopties blaring rap music.
I is so sick of stereotypes and dis app jus promotes dem. I ain't seen no black peoples runnin around da burbs. It's all white folks lookin happy. Heck, I half spected to see a black man runnin down da street with a purse or sometin. This app ought to least have an option for black neighborhood or white neighborhood. So anyways, I is severely disappointed with dis app but will rate higher if you puts in some black folks who jus chillin and ain't workin or drivin by in hoopties blaring rap music.
Ultimate Guitar Tabs and Tools
November 4, 2011
This game sucks. I much prefer Guitar Hero. I could not get the songs to play or figure out how to play along on my phone. Guitar Hero is much easier to use in my opinion. Open to suggestions though.
This game sucks. I much prefer Guitar Hero. I could not get the songs to play or figure out how to play along on my phone. Guitar Hero is much easier to use in my opinion. Open to suggestions though.
Drift Mania Championship
November 2, 2011
Looks cool but won't work on my Tracphone. When are developers gonna realize not everyone has a smartphone. Can't even get it to begin the download process. Lame.
Looks cool but won't work on my Tracphone. When are developers gonna realize not everyone has a smartphone. Can't even get it to begin the download process. Lame.
The Legend of Spookley the Square Pumpkin
October 31, 2011
For parents considering downloading this book, beware, it promotes non-conformation! This little book tells kids it's okay to be square! Square! It reminds me of that off-the-wall story about that freak reindeer, Raymond. The one with the red nose? And how that misfit went on to save Easter. Yeah right. Gimme a break.
Now, I don't know about you, but I am not about to tell my kids it's okay to be square anymore than I'm gonna tell them it's okay to have a glowing nose or six fingers or a speech impediment. Enough is enough. Liberal America is trying to brainwash our children and it stops here!
For parents considering downloading this book, beware, it promotes non-conformation! This little book tells kids it's okay to be square! Square! It reminds me of that off-the-wall story about that freak reindeer, Raymond. The one with the red nose? And how that misfit went on to save Easter. Yeah right. Gimme a break.
Now, I don't know about you, but I am not about to tell my kids it's okay to be square anymore than I'm gonna tell them it's okay to have a glowing nose or six fingers or a speech impediment. Enough is enough. Liberal America is trying to brainwash our children and it stops here!
CandySwipe
October 29, 2011
Candies wipe is not very fun for diabetics. After playing for a few minutes I really wanted something sweet so I raided the Halloween candy bowl. This was six hours ago. I just got up from a diabetic coma. Thanks a lot.
Candies wipe is not very fun for diabetics. After playing for a few minutes I really wanted something sweet so I raided the Halloween candy bowl. This was six hours ago. I just got up from a diabetic coma. Thanks a lot.
Ghost Radar
October 27, 2011
This app is a fraud. It was unable to detect a known ghost living in my home for several decades.
Back in the early 60s, a middle aged man was murdered in my home by a home intruder. This man's spirit has yet to leave the physical world for the spiritual as his murder has never been solved. He REFUSES to leave. This has been validated by several ghost hunting experts and I often hear him moaning about being hungry or tired.
I tried using this app to detect his location but it wouldn't work. In fact, I knew he was in the bathroom at one point playing with the cat, but the app told me there was a "reading" in the kitchen.
So, to sum it up, for those looking for something cheap to help them detect the ghosts living around us, look elsewhere.
This app makes a mockery of the dead and the developers should be ashamed.
This app is a fraud. It was unable to detect a known ghost living in my home for several decades.
Back in the early 60s, a middle aged man was murdered in my home by a home intruder. This man's spirit has yet to leave the physical world for the spiritual as his murder has never been solved. He REFUSES to leave. This has been validated by several ghost hunting experts and I often hear him moaning about being hungry or tired.
I tried using this app to detect his location but it wouldn't work. In fact, I knew he was in the bathroom at one point playing with the cat, but the app told me there was a "reading" in the kitchen.
So, to sum it up, for those looking for something cheap to help them detect the ghosts living around us, look elsewhere.
This app makes a mockery of the dead and the developers should be ashamed.
Gem Spinner II
October 25, 2011
Forget Occupy Wall Street, forget the Tea Party. I'm starting a movement for banning all match three games. I am so sick of match three Bejeweled clones that I am ready to approach Congress for legislation banning these terribly lame games. It should be a felony to make a Bejeweled clone, punishable up to life in prison. Anyone?
Forget Occupy Wall Street, forget the Tea Party. I'm starting a movement for banning all match three games. I am so sick of match three Bejeweled clones that I am ready to approach Congress for legislation banning these terribly lame games. It should be a felony to make a Bejeweled clone, punishable up to life in prison. Anyone?
Halloween Pumpkins Live Wallpaper
October 24, 2011
This game comes with NO instructions and immediately took over my home screen. I had to uninstall to shut it off. Not fun.
This game comes with NO instructions and immediately took over my home screen. I had to uninstall to shut it off. Not fun.
Retro Defense
October 18, 2011
Since there are only 1,635,982 tower defenses out there, for $5 this one had better defend my phone. I mean, for $5, a friggin machine gun had better pop out the top and blast anyone trying to pick it up. But, no. It's only a clone of the more than 1,000,000 tower defenses already competing for my hard earned cash. So, gonna pass and you should too. $5 is downright "indefensible."
Since there are only 1,635,982 tower defenses out there, for $5 this one had better defend my phone. I mean, for $5, a friggin machine gun had better pop out the top and blast anyone trying to pick it up. But, no. It's only a clone of the more than 1,000,000 tower defenses already competing for my hard earned cash. So, gonna pass and you should too. $5 is downright "indefensible."
Read it Later Pro
October 17, 2011
I fly often. And I get bored easily. With this app, I can save page after page from my favorite adult websites for viewing on long flights. No internet connectivity? No problem! Minutes of viewing pleasure awaits! Warning: Before viewing adult websites on transcontinental flights, first go to the plane's restroom. Thanks devs!
I fly often. And I get bored easily. With this app, I can save page after page from my favorite adult websites for viewing on long flights. No internet connectivity? No problem! Minutes of viewing pleasure awaits! Warning: Before viewing adult websites on transcontinental flights, first go to the plane's restroom. Thanks devs!
Checkers
October 16, 2011
I love this game, but as is, it is impossible to tell the pieces apart. They all look identical. So, unless you memorize your every move, you will quickly forget which pieces are pawns and which are rooks, bishops, knights, etc. Please update with fix.
I love this game, but as is, it is impossible to tell the pieces apart. They all look identical. So, unless you memorize your every move, you will quickly forget which pieces are pawns and which are rooks, bishops, knights, etc. Please update with fix.
Tropical Fish Shop
October 13, 2011
This game has about as much testosterone as Chaz Bono. And if you find yourself wanting to download this game because it looks fun, you might want to sign up for Dancing With the Stars as well. I can't even imagine the ragging I would get if the boys on the work site found me playing this at lunch.
This game has about as much testosterone as Chaz Bono. And if you find yourself wanting to download this game because it looks fun, you might want to sign up for Dancing With the Stars as well. I can't even imagine the ragging I would get if the boys on the work site found me playing this at lunch.
Chess-presso
October 8, 2011
For $3 I had better be able to play Deep Blue. And I don't see any mention of Deep Blue in the description so I'm guessing not. What a rip off. And then pay to play rated games? Nice try!
For $3 I had better be able to play Deep Blue. And I don't see any mention of Deep Blue in the description so I'm guessing not. What a rip off. And then pay to play rated games? Nice try!
C25K Pro
October 5, 2011
This app caused me to twist my ankle. On my first attempt at jogging, C2K5 failed to warn me of a large rock on the jogging path. I only noticed it after stepping on it and severely twisting my ankle. Now I am hobbling around like a drunk and am back on the couch. Use with caution.
This app caused me to twist my ankle. On my first attempt at jogging, C2K5 failed to warn me of a large rock on the jogging path. I only noticed it after stepping on it and severely twisting my ankle. Now I am hobbling around like a drunk and am back on the couch. Use with caution.
Finger Dance Revolution
October 2, 2011
The developers of this should have to sit in time out for the next five years. This is just wrong. Finger dancing? Not on my phone.
The developers of this should have to sit in time out for the next five years. This is just wrong. Finger dancing? Not on my phone.
SportCaster: Pro
September 30, 2011
I was really hoping to get the latest news on my bowling favorites. But sadly, bowling is missing from the program list.
I was really hoping to get the latest news on my bowling favorites. But sadly, bowling is missing from the program list.
Diet Assistant Pro
September 14, 2011
I downloaded this app hoping to get some tips on grilling and barbecuing. Had none. Only tips on ruining perfectly good foods. Told me to put the rolls back and eat a rice pattie. When I searched for fried chicken it told me to go running...
I downloaded this app hoping to get some tips on grilling and barbecuing. Had none. Only tips on ruining perfectly good foods. Told me to put the rolls back and eat a rice pattie. When I searched for fried chicken it told me to go running...
Drag Racing Premium
September 9, 2011
It's drag racing. What more do I have to say? Drag Racing Premium is an oxymoron. That's like saying state of the art horse shoes.
It's drag racing. What more do I have to say? Drag Racing Premium is an oxymoron. That's like saying state of the art horse shoes.
Spinballs
September 7, 2011
I said if I saw another bejewled spinoff I would puke. And I just did. I spewed all over my laptop. Now I have to contact customer service at Amazon to get this thing cleaned.
I said if I saw another bejewled spinoff I would puke. And I just did. I spewed all over my laptop. Now I have to contact customer service at Amazon to get this thing cleaned.
Guitar Hero 5
August 1, 2011
I don't see what everyone is getting so upset about. This is clearly a version for the handicap and mentally disabled. I love the fact that if you miss notes it does not affect the song, and that it requires no skill whatsoever. The short songs keeps ones attention from wandering. Thanks devs for thinking of those who don't have arms or a full mental capacity. Six stars if possible.
I don't see what everyone is getting so upset about. This is clearly a version for the handicap and mentally disabled. I love the fact that if you miss notes it does not affect the song, and that it requires no skill whatsoever. The short songs keeps ones attention from wandering. Thanks devs for thinking of those who don't have arms or a full mental capacity. Six stars if possible.
Car Locator
July 31, 2011
I been testin this app all day and can honestly say it don't work. When I first seen this app I was extatic. See, I live in the hood and cars are all the time gettin stolen. So to test this app, I had my girlfriend take my car to various places at the mall and drop it off. This app only took me to the place I left my car - everytime. I don't need to know where I left my car, I parked the thing! So either I'm just missin the point, or this thing don't work. Deuces.
I been testin this app all day and can honestly say it don't work. When I first seen this app I was extatic. See, I live in the hood and cars are all the time gettin stolen. So to test this app, I had my girlfriend take my car to various places at the mall and drop it off. This app only took me to the place I left my car - everytime. I don't need to know where I left my car, I parked the thing! So either I'm just missin the point, or this thing don't work. Deuces.
Golf Frontier GPS
July 30, 2011
I don't golf, but I love to bowl so I thought I would give this a try. I was sorely disappointed. I had hoped the distance finder would help with my bowling game; it was no help at all. As I'm also an avid horseshoe thrower, I thought it might help with that, but again, no help. So, a very limited app and useful only to those who golf.
I don't golf, but I love to bowl so I thought I would give this a try. I was sorely disappointed. I had hoped the distance finder would help with my bowling game; it was no help at all. As I'm also an avid horseshoe thrower, I thought it might help with that, but again, no help. So, a very limited app and useful only to those who golf.
Jamie's 20 Minute Meals
July 28, 2011
I'm sorry, but I don't have 20 minutes to spend on a meal. Could Jamie put out a 17 minutes meal app? That's about all the time I have to spend on a meal. Thanks!
I'm sorry, but I don't have 20 minutes to spend on a meal. Could Jamie put out a 17 minutes meal app? That's about all the time I have to spend on a meal. Thanks!
Pocket Salsa
June 8, 2011
I attempted to use this app to make salsa and wasn't able to. All I got were some videos of people dancing! Now I have nothing to dip my chips in!
I attempted to use this app to make salsa and wasn't able to. All I got were some videos of people dancing! Now I have nothing to dip my chips in!
Solitaire Deluxe
June 26, 2011
Blew through my entire life's savings in 30 minutes! Now I'm gonna have to refinance my home so I can continue playing! C'mon bingo!
Blew through my entire life's savings in 30 minutes! Now I'm gonna have to refinance my home so I can continue playing! C'mon bingo!
Speed - The GPS Speedometer
June 29, 2011
Taped my phone to my riding lawn mower's steering wheel as I cut the yard so I could manage my speed. Worked great. Wish it had a feature where I could find cheap gas or weed killer. Will rate higher with update.
Taped my phone to my riding lawn mower's steering wheel as I cut the yard so I could manage my speed. Worked great. Wish it had a feature where I could find cheap gas or weed killer. Will rate higher with update.
PBA Bowling 2
July 1, 2011
Man I am so dash garn excited! We gets fishin earlier this week and now we gets us a bowlin app! Now just give me an app for finding the cheapest beer within 60 miles and I'll be set for life! Thanks Amazon! Get 'er done!
Man I am so dash garn excited! We gets fishin earlier this week and now we gets us a bowlin app! Now just give me an app for finding the cheapest beer within 60 miles and I'll be set for life! Thanks Amazon! Get 'er done!
Fireworks
July 4, 2011
I started this up, threw my phone up in the air, and watched the show. Even brought the neighbors over. But didn't last long as phone exploded when it hit the ground... Use with care.
I started this up, threw my phone up in the air, and watched the show. Even brought the neighbors over. But didn't last long as phone exploded when it hit the ground... Use with care.
Safari HD
July 13, 2011
This is the weakest safari I have ever played. The animals don't even move. I killed like 1000 in 10 minutes. Not a hunt I'd pay for.
This is the weakest safari I have ever played. The animals don't even move. I killed like 1000 in 10 minutes. Not a hunt I'd pay for.
Jog Tracker Pro
July 18, 2011
The activity selection needs to be updated. It is missing several common modes of transportation: crutches, skipping, sit-n-spin, riding lawnmower, wheel barrow, piggy back, three-legged, somersault, on hands and knees, segway, and hot air balloon. Thanks.
The activity selection needs to be updated. It is missing several common modes of transportation: crutches, skipping, sit-n-spin, riding lawnmower, wheel barrow, piggy back, three-legged, somersault, on hands and knees, segway, and hot air balloon. Thanks.
Folder Organizer
July 19, 2011
This app is the best thing ever. It will change your life! Not only will it get you organized but as a result of just how easy this makes things I have experienced:
- lowered blood pressure as a result of less stress
- improved sex life as I am less stressed and feel better and have more time
- decreased medical costs
- got a promotion at work for being more productive
- better gas mileage for my car as I can concentrate on driving and not finding things on my phone
- decreased electric bill because I don't have to charge my phone as much due to less time searching for things
- greener yard because I can spend more time outside and not looking for apps on my phone
I am sure there are other benefits to using this as well, these are just the ones I have seen today.
Download today! You won't be disapointed!
(I am NOT the developer's brother. I am not.)
This app is the best thing ever. It will change your life! Not only will it get you organized but as a result of just how easy this makes things I have experienced:
- lowered blood pressure as a result of less stress
- improved sex life as I am less stressed and feel better and have more time
- decreased medical costs
- got a promotion at work for being more productive
- better gas mileage for my car as I can concentrate on driving and not finding things on my phone
- decreased electric bill because I don't have to charge my phone as much due to less time searching for things
- greener yard because I can spend more time outside and not looking for apps on my phone
I am sure there are other benefits to using this as well, these are just the ones I have seen today.
Download today! You won't be disapointed!
(I am NOT the developer's brother. I am not.)
Lingrove
July 25, 2011
N_mb_r one ru_e _hen dev_lopi_g g_mes. Mak_ su_e it c_n be mo_ed to the SD car_. So t_is app ge_s _ne sta_.
N_mb_r one ru_e _hen dev_lopi_g g_mes. Mak_ su_e it c_n be mo_ed to the SD car_. So t_is app ge_s _ne sta_.
Grave Defense HD
July 26, 2011
I am scared of heights and the extremely high vantage view point freaks me out. I'll start to play and then will become extremely anxious as I think I'm about to fall into the zombies and monsters. Please lower the view point for those with severe acrophobia. Thanks.
I am scared of heights and the extremely high vantage view point freaks me out. I'll start to play and then will become extremely anxious as I think I'm about to fall into the zombies and monsters. Please lower the view point for those with severe acrophobia. Thanks.
Gaia GPS - Topos and Tracking
May 30, 2011
I could draw my own map faster than this thing produces them! Uninstalled within two minutes. Will carry an atlas instead.
I could draw my own map faster than this thing produces them! Uninstalled within two minutes. Will carry an atlas instead.
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